" 24.5.69
Coming back to Pho Cuong when the battle started to break out . At 2 o’clock the shot began . Bombs , bullets , bangers , helicopters , all of them combined into a complicated sound – the sound we usually hear in fighting films . Listening to the shot , I’m little bit worried because we are quite near the border of battle . At that time , I saw Thuan running even though the plane was flying above . He anxiously called me to come to the dug-out to hide .
That night , we witnessed the scene of battle field together . The enemy reacted extremely violently , jet-planes released bombs everywhere ,fighter helicopters slided , beaming the floodlight and volleying burst of fire onto the battle ground . In the night sky , flaming bullets were dropping as if the fire were pouring down the battle and pouring down my heart as well . Who would have to stand those burst of bullets ? Are they you , the liberation soldiers who used to go with me the night before ? Lam , and brother Den … and so many others . A whole sleepless night . I felt like being on tenterhooks , hatred and meditative ."
" 18.6.69
Received a letter from home , the letter is saturated with the colour of peace *. The streets covered with the red flamboyants flowers and the small room in the fragance of lotus . The familiar radio on the cupboard is put at the center of the room . Alas ! My younger sisters , that scence is so far- away , your sister Thuy here just knows flaming volley of bullets in the sky , the acrid gunpowder rushing into the nose , and parting moment in anxiety … That’s why I feel sad when reading your pieces of letter .
This time , many people are allowed to go the *** . They went happily and cheerfully , but when coming and saying good bye to me , it seemed that they didn’t dare express that happiness . Anyway , I grined when I saw them off . But after that , I stood alone , keeping silent in a long time and didn’t know what to say . Thuy , don’t be blue , let’s set time till someday when our country gains indepence , Th will also go to the North , then happiness will be perfect .
* The north, where Thuy Tram’s family were living at that moment gained temporary peace but the South hadn’t .
...
The dead of Giau made me flabbergasted . In this raid today , the spys shew the underground hideout where he was living . Some mines and cartridge belts of the bloodthirsty enemy killed Giau and another 5 guerillas . Some days before , I had met Giau in Xuan Thanh . The new head nurse of Pho Cuong was very happy meeting me again , he is quite different from few times I met before . May be among what Thuan transferred to him was also one thing that he didn’t speak out loud : it is the duty of protecting me – the cadre of district , his beloved person . Giau completed that responsibility well . He was on be half of Thuan leading me to everywhere for work . Till late at night , he brought me to Thuan’s house and murmured with Thuan : " So now do we let Tram with you or go with me ? " My foster brother replied : " It depends on you" . Giau entrusted me to Thuan , " please guarantee sister Thuy Tram ‘s safety , Thuan ". When it was quite late , he went away .
I can’t imagine that the dinner having with him on the way through the hamlet , the time eating with him a melon and some bowls of night porridge in the cosy atmosphere of family will be the last .
This night , in the same moonlight , still those people , that scence but he is now lying in the land .
His young wife holds the small child in her arms , sitting silent like a dead body . I don’t know what to say with her and my tears was overflowing when hearing her voice choked with emotion in tears : " He now rests in peace , but how can you and Thuan avoid danger and losses ? "
Alas ! What can I say exept revenge ? Revenge for people laying down and also for us , the people living in disgust and anguish .
Thuan looked at me again , his black eyes spoke to me in silence :" Life is so short, isn’t it, my dear ? What should we do so that we won’t regret when departing from this life ? "
"14.7.69
Today is daddy’s birthday , I remember that day in the scence of falling bomb and shooting . Yesterday , an unexpected burst of banger killed 5 people and made 2 people injure . I was also in the aiming point of those extremely heavy bangers . Every person hasn’t pulled themselves after being stunned . But I was still like before , still grieved , anxious and meditative in mind . Parents and my dear younger sisters , at that place you can’t penetrate the life here . A greatly heroic but miserably hard life . Dying is easier than having a meal . However , people are still fighting persistently . I’m among thousands of those people , I’m living and struggling , and think that I will lay down for the future of nation . Someday , in the song of triumph , there will be no me . I’m proud of having sacrificed my life for our country . Of course I also feel bitter because of not being allowed to live any more . The peaceful and happy life that people including me had to shed blood and bones to gain . But no problem , millions of people like me lay down without enjoying a completely happy day . That’s why i don’t regret anything !
This afternoon , feeling sad again , I miss you uncannily. At the present , what are you doing ? I imagine you lying on the hammock , your eyes are grieved and nostalgia makes your face so gaunt . My foster brother , what can I say to you , my special brother ? * "
Please read carefully this paragraph . The foster brother that she mentions was THUAN . I will tell you an interesting secret about the relationship between this person and Dang Thuy Tram later .
"24.7.69
Met San in the plain . San didn’t fancy having that meeting so he stood transfixed with surprise . Amazement and jubilation prevented him from saying something . San was going to the North so he implored me for going to his house . As I was out of respect for San , I followed him to where he was living . Stepping on the water flooded field of Pho Van , I came after him in the pouring rain in an afternoon . We decided to shelter from the rain in a house that San knew the family .But the house had been burnt by the American , it just remained a piece of sheet iron , there was not enough space for both hosts and guests . Feeling inconvenient , I called for San to go away , but the landlady heavy-heartedly said : " Why don’t you stay and eating rice before going ? You are afraid that the rice is not done to a turn , aren’t you ? "San and I didn’t intend to stay and eat rice but the pot of rice couldn’t be done to a turn indeed . It was raining ceaselessly and very few firewood at the center could be burnt . The pot of rice was boiled more slowly because of the extinguished flame and because the rain was dropping on the pot .Has any cameraman shot such a scene as this ? A simple scene tells people so much about the crime of war .
Among the guests sheltering from the rain was a cadre . He laughed , telling the story of previous time , when the enemy began to set fire and destroy . At that time , in the well-off hamlet , there were just some fired houses . On TET holiday * , the host laid out the meal to worship ancestor . The tray was put on a burnt door lying on the exposed floor . He – the cadre along with neighbours , visited that family . Looking at that scene , they couldn’t say in tears a complete phrase to encourage and console the victims . But now , it is the same in the whole hamlet and he smiled at this afternoon scene ! We won’t be defeated by those people , this house is burnt , we’ll build another . Just need some thatched pieces to make the cottage , no problem . Because of the life in war , people’s requirement is minimum . Life is now only fighting and working . As for another thing served for man , just a pot of rice with fish sauce , a nylon stretched out in the pit and a bag of clothes , rice , tuber , salt and sauce are enough and ready to be carried on shoulder when the enemy raids .
San ! When going to the North , remember to tell people living there that the South is still very miserable . Only when the American invaders are not present , is life really life . "
* TET holiday is one of the most important holidays in a year in Vietnam . It can be considered as the New Year holiday in the Lunar calendar .
"29.7.69
The war is extremely cruel .This morning , they brought me a whole – body – wounded soldier. It is because of the heat of phosphorous bomb . He has been brought to me for an hour since he was in distress , but smoke was still spiralling up from his body . He was a 20-year old boy , the sole son of a female cadre in my hamlet . An unlucky accident made the phosphorous bomb go off and caused the boy’s seriously scalded wound . Noone could realize the usually handsome boy . His bright black eyes now are only 2 small burnt orbits and the smoke of phosphor was still rising in a burnt smell . He looked like having been baked by the oven . I stood transfixed in front of that heart-breaking scene . His mother was whining , her couple of hands trembled , touching the son’s whole body . Some pieces of skins were flacing off and made bend . His younger and elder sisters took care of him , the tears were overflowing on their cheeks . And one more girl was sitting next to him in stupefaction . Her gentle eyes were bleary because of anxiety , her hair sticked to her blushing cheeks in perspiration . She was too exhausted and moved . Tu ( the girl’s name ) is Khanh(his name)’s lover . She has carried Khanh onto the floor . Knowing that he needed serum to be transmitted , Tu waded across the river to buy it . The river level is rising high , although she didn’t know how to swim , love granted her the power . At this time , Tu is sitting there in silence , persistently . The naive forehead of a beautiful girl is now wincing in anguish .Looking at her, I had wanted to compose a poem about the crime of war , the crime of quelling millions of pure love , millions of man’s happiness , but then I couldn’t . My pen couldn’t write although this is a case I felt in my all senses and affection ."
"6.8.69
The scene of sunset coming to the rice field is always poetic whatever circumstances are . This morning , the enemy staged raid in Kim Giao . On fighting , 2 fellows were seriously wounded . One person died . Despite sorrow and death pressing upon me , this afternoon , standing in the yellow-ripened rice field , I suddenly realized that life was still going on . People were still havesting rice in crowds , and the smile was still cheerful on the face of the young comrade going along with me . His name is Cong , who was Lien’s lover . Lien died just nearly 10 days ago , Cong is unspeakably desolate . But now , walking next to me , he is still merry and the conversation is still quite enthusiastic . A moment before going , he played a sheer jolly song with the mandolin . I watched him and felt so uncommon . If I were Cong , what would happen ?
I may not be able to have that smile and play that ardour music ."