LISTEN TO THE BUDDHA TEACHING ABOUT LOVE Dear young people, do you know how the Buddha teaches about love? I was lucky to attend a Dharma talk of the Zen Master Nhat Hanh about love: the relationship between love and understanding, love and compassion, love and sex. He called that is “love in the way of Buddha’s teachings.”
At the beginning of his Dharma talk at Trung Hậu Patriarchal Pagoda – Vĩnh Phúc province, Zen Master Nhat Hanh had invited the youngs to seat in the front rows in order to hear noticeably. He’d like to talk about love, the nature of love from the Buddhism’s aspect.
With his smile, he told us about the love story that was simple, but implied very deep meaning: There was a young man from California – USA, very good-looking, excellent in study, graduated from a famous university, having many beautiful female friends. He lived with his mom, who had known that along his girl-friends who aspire to her son, there was a girl not beauty, not white, not tall, yet he focus on her. Surprising, she asked him: Why do you like that girl, she has nothing significant? She has understood me – he answered simply.
His study was media industry, but he liked to write poems. Every time he read his poems, that girl paid much attention and gave her profoundly comments, while other pretty girls did not care about. He had chosen his lover not because of the outlook, rather than for the listening and understanding.
Must be understanding to love In Buddhism, compassion gets along with wisdom. Not understanding could not love genuinely. Not understanding could not love sincerely. Understanding is the foundation of love.
People have their own innermost feelings, sufferings, and anxiety if we don’t understand; we could get angry and complain instead of love. Not understanding, our love make others be upset and pain. Misunderstanding could make our lovers be suffering for life.
On behave of love; people make themselves and their lovers suffering together. That happens frequently.
Be understood and be loved have ever been human needs. Many people often felt that nobody had understood them. They were “starving” love and understanding. They were wandering in their lives to find someone who could understand them. Meeting someone who understood and loved them was great lucky in their lives. This love would be blossom from day on.
Therefore, “must be understanding in order to love” is the principle to choose the lover, choose husbands/wifes according to the point of view of Buddhism. Although how they are beautiful, wealthy but if they don’t understand us, they would make us suffering for life. Marriage could open a road of rose, could open a door of hell. Choosing a husband or wife is a great risk. Be careful, if you don’t want to choose a life in prison sentence for your life.
Choosing the one who understood and loved us – remember – this is the principle to find a heart-to-hear person in our lives.
The four factors of love: love – compassion – joy – equanimity “Love” (maitri) is the ability to give happiness for our lovers, the wish for someone to be happy and to have the causes for happiness. Love doesn’t mean to enjoy, love is to dedicate. Love that could not bring happiness to our lovers then that is not true love. Love makes us suffering then that’s not love. There were some people loved each other, but they were suffering every day, that is the obstacle, and only brings about pain. To love someone genuinely, it means to make her/him be happy every day.
“Compassion” (karuna) is the potential to take away the suffering inside us and others, the wish for someone to be free from suffering and from the causes for suffering. We were suffering; others make us more suffering, that’s not true love. What we have to give one another if there is only pain and hopeless. Our lovers must be someone who knows to share, to soothe, to decrease our sufferings in our life.
As a result, “love and compassion” according to the Buddha’s teachings is the capacity to bring about love to each other. Love someone has to make that person being less suffering. If not, it means only passion, to dote on temporarily, and it’s not a true love. “Love and compassion” in love do not come naturally. We have to learn, to practice the dharma. We need much of time to observe, to listen to, to understand the sufferings and pain of our lovers, in order to help them to overcome, to solve, to decrease their sufferings, and to increase their happiness.
“Joy” (mudita) is blissful. The true love means both of lovers being enjoyable. The stamp of right love is joyful. The more we love the more we’re pleasurable, the whole family being happy. Such of causes and conditions are successful.
“Equanimity” (upeksha) means no distinguishing, no discriminating in love. When we love someone, her/his happiness is our happiness; her/his difficulty is ours as well. We can’t say that is your problem, so you have to bear it by yourself. When we are in love, both people are not separate anymore; happiness or sufferings are not personal problems. Everything that one does we have to see that is ours, to transform sufferings and to increase more happiness.
Dear young friends, you should think of your love, is there “love, compassion, joy, and equanimity”? You should be courage to ask yourself that “Does my lover understand my sufferings and joy? Does she/he consider to our happiness every day? Does our lovers help me on my cause?...” And you have to ask yourself, whether you are truly with your love. Does your love fulfill of “love, compassion, joy, and equanimity”?!
Love and sex How does Buddhism consider about sex in love? It’s not coincident that a Zen Master who I have a chance to meet started the issue by discussing about “mind and body” in Oriental cultural tradition.
In our cultural tradition, body and mind are “one” (absolute), it means if we don’t respect our lover’s body then we don’t respect her/his spirit as well. Loves each other is to protect and high regard one another. When the disregarding or disesteeming occurs then the true love doesn’t exist anymore.
Our bodies are also our spirits. There are confidences deep down in our minds, we only share with our heart-to-heat people. Also our bodies, there are some sacred and private places, we don’t want anyone reaching to, except the people who we love, we’d like to live with all our lives, and forever.
In the great and noble love, any of our word and gesture should show our mutual respect. Men should respect their loving women, both bodies and minds. Women should protect themselves, know how to make their lovers in more mutual honor, and cultivate their happiness along the way to the future.
Do you want to love in the way of Buddha’s teachings? Understand, love, and respect mutually your lover, that is to bring about happiness for others and yourselves as well!
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Nghe Đức Phật dạy về tình yêu
10/09/2009 23:31 (GMT+7)
Theo Dân Trí
Hư Trúc translated
April 22, 2010
http://www.giacngo.vn/phatgiaotuoitre/2009/09/10/73D009/