Chapter 56 Lữ endured the darkest days of his life after killing Vấn. For the six months following Uyên’s death, he had lived solely with the obsession of tracking Vấn down and killing him to avenge her. Lữ had believed he would find peace of mind once he located Vấn and exacted retribution upon his enemy; instead, he was driven to the brink of madness after the night he shot Vấn in the Bois de Boulogne.
He had run through the woods all night like a madman; towards dawn, he checked into a small hotel on the outskirts of Paris and slept for two full days and nights. He had no fear of the police finding him, for he had left no trace behind. He had worn gloves while shooting Vấn and had tossed them into the fireplace upon arriving at the hotel. Yet, a strange sensation took hold of his soul in the days after he awoke and regained his senses: a morbid melancholy, a weariness with life, and a tormenting remorse over Uyên’s death—compounded by the haunting memory of the look in Vấn’s eyes as he recognized Lữ and stared into the barrel of the gun.
Lữ wanted to stop thinking; he did not want to return to California. He boarded a train for the south of France and began an aimless journey. He passed through small towns, stopping for a few days in each and walking long distances to ensure he was exhausted enough to sleep when night fell. He sought to cast aside all images of his previous, turbulent life, to set his mind at ease and find peace. He traveled without a fixed destination, and after three months of wandering through France, he crossed into Italy. One day, he arrived in Sorrento, a small town in southern Italy; he fell in love with the place instantly and decided to stay.
Everyone has a setting, a dwelling, or a city that suits them—a place where the inner self and the external world harmonize to nurture the life of the spirit. Lữ felt as though Sorrento was a city destined for him; the longer he stayed there, the more he felt a sense of ease returning and found sleep coming more readily than before. He would sit for hours on the nearby beach, reflecting on his life and the upheavals that had swept through it—and thinking of the women who had loved him.
He did not dwell much on Miriam, for she had ultimately found happiness with his close friend. But Uyên—though the memory of her no longer tormented him as it once had—continued to occupy his thoughts. He had believed that what existed between them was merely sex and a shared ambition for wealth. Yet, her death had completely altered his perspective. Uyên had saved his life, shielding him from the gunfire of the Chinese Triad member. Was the ultimate expression of love not the sacrifice of one’s own life for the beloved? And what had he done to deserve such love?
Lữ reflected on his own nature. Caught in the gray area between good and evil, he saw that he had plunged into the abyss of criminality; why, then, had he been graced with Uyên’s sublime love and Miriam’s goodness? And now, when everything seemed to have fallen apart, he still had Kim. He had coolly orchestrated Triệu Tôn’s death at Montello’s hands, ignited a horrific, bloody conflict between two criminal syndicates, and ultimately killed Vấn himself to avenge Uyên. Yet, had Vấn committed those monstrous acts solely because of Lữ’s original transgression? Darkness had enveloped him, acting like a magnet that drew further malevolence into his life and the lives of those closest to him.
Lữ was surprised to find himself pondering the nature of good and evil. Looking back, he realized he had never before questioned the concepts of virtue and vice in his own life. His actions and behavior were driven entirely by instinct. He had relied on survival instincts to endure the brutal war in South Vietnam years ago—instincts that dominated and propelled his every thought and deed.
Was the obsession with wealth that had consumed him all these years merely a manifestation of the survival-of-the-fittest instinct inherent in American capitalist society—a drive that had honed his competitive edge to the utmost, ultimately bringing him the prosperity he enjoyed today?
Lữ realized that he had stopped at nothing to secure victory for himself. He could have handled the Triệu Tôn situation differently, without resorting to taking the man's life. Ordinary people would surely have sought more flexible, amicable ways to resolve such difficulties. Why couldn't he do the same? Why did he always choose the darkest path to achieve his ends?
Lữ did not consider himself a good person, nor did he view the other man as inherently evil. Yet, he wondered: how many truly wicked, wretched individuals—even monsters like Hitler or Pol Pot, capable of slaughtering millions—ever actually admitted to being bad? While anyone might possess an innate sense of right and wrong, the act of sitting down to engage in genuine self-examination and questioning one’s own nature was something else entirely. The more he reflected, the more he saw that the tumultuous events of his life were self-inflicted consequences of his own instinctive, amoral actions.
Lữ began to play out "what-if" scenarios for the pivotal moments of his life. Had he remained faithful to Miriam and never entertained thoughts of Uyên as a lover, his life—and the lives of Miriam and Uyên—would not have taken such a turbulent turn.
How would he have reacted had he been in Vấn’s shoes—betrayed by someone close? Lữ recalled the look in Vấn’s eyes. Could the consequences of a single person's actions truly be so devastating? Vấn could have acted and reacted differently—changing the entire course of events. It might have been a standard divorce, or a bitter acceptance of the situation. Instead, the path he chose intersected with another’s, setting off a chain of consequences that spiraled endlessly out of control.
What if Lữ had never considered eliminating Triệu Tôn? How would his life have unfolded? Lữ realized his mistake the moment he entangled himself with a criminal organization to deal with Triệu Tôn. Instinct had drawn him to Montello—a place where the evils of the world converged, amplifying one another a hundred-thousand-fold compared to the good. He had drifted into that criminal underworld with casual ease, never pausing to reflect, treating it as if it were nothing out of the ordinary.
Is that simply the nature of life? That goodness is arduous, while evil comes easily? Vấn had acted just as he did, succumbing to the path of least resistance and allowing himself to be swept up in the quest for revenge—letting evil snowball into an unstoppable force.
Lữ sat for hours, watching the waves crash against the rocky shores of Capri, near Sorrento, and contemplated his life. What good had he actually done for the world around him, or for others? What was the true value of his accumulated wealth when it had been nothing more than a game of amassing riches—a pursuit of power that was both absurd and laughable, the folly of a man with too much money?
Fortune had smiled upon him so often—until the day Uyên died in his arms. Was it destiny? A way for him to understand life, to grasp the nature of good and evil, and to discover the true meaning of love? For the first time in his life, Lữ believed in destiny—and accepted his own. Fate had orchestrated the upheavals in his life, plunging him into the abyss of evil and forcing him to confront its true nature. Had destiny led him to Sorrento so he could grasp the meaning of good and evil—and, in doing so, find meaning in his own life?
Lữ let out a long breath. The sea breeze blowing in from the open water seemed to dissipate the fog that had shrouded his existence. He saw his destiny and the path he had to take—a path toward redemption and peace of soul.
Lữ returned to Sorrento from Capri that afternoon; as he stepped into his room, the phone was ringing. It was Sơn on the line, his voice brimming with excitement. He told Lữ that Comnet had just gone public and its stock price had skyrocketed; did Lữ realize how much his net worth had grown? Nearly fifty million US dollars, Sơn said, unable to hide his agitation—he could scarcely fathom the magnitude of the sum.
Lữ listened with indifference, surprised at his own reaction. He hadn't realized such a profound shift had taken place within him. That vast fortune was merely a number, Lữ mused; did he really need it? Once again, he was struck by the thought. Was fate knocking at his door with a sign?
Lữ spoke to Sơn:
"You once told me about your dream—to build an orphanage and open a free school for underprivileged children in Vietnam, right? I want you to set up a trust fund and put my entire fortune into it. I want you to make that dream a reality." Sơn was stunned into silence for several minutes before he could finally speak:
"Your entire fortune? Fifty million US dollars? Then what will you live on? When are you coming back to the States?" Sơn kept asking questions, as if unable to believe what Lữ was saying. He heard Lữ laughing on the other end of the line—a laugh so pure and childlike, a sound Sơn had never heard before. Lữ reassured him:
"No! I’m not crazy. Just do what I told you. I’m staying in Sorrento for a while longer; I can’t come back just yet." Sơn asked again:
"And Kim? What do you want me to tell her?"
Lữ replied:
"I need a little more time before seeing Kim. If you tell her that, I’m sure she’ll understand." He hung up the phone. A sense of peace washed over his soul, bringing with it strange, new feelings he had never known before. He thanked destiny for leading him here, for granting him the sweet, gentle comfort of wholesome emotions that were healing his spirit. Perhaps everyone needs a "city for the soul"—like Sorrento—to return to after falling into the abyss; a place to realize that a new, pure, and peaceful life awaits, ready to forgive all past mistakes, wanderings, and follies.
° ° °
Sơn sat with his arms around Miriam in a small Venetian boat; the gondolier, his back bent as he worked the oar, smiled at the couple—two lovers sharing an affectionate moment, just like thousands of newlyweds who had sat in this very gondola before them. They had held a private wedding ceremony in Venice, fulfilling Miriam’s wish—a place of true peace and happiness. Miriam was surprised to find that the image of Lữ had completely vanished from her mind, leaving only Sơn. She felt she could meet Lữ again with perfect composure—simply as a friend of Sơn’s, nothing more, nothing less.
Miriam fed Sơn a ripe, juicy grape and gazed out at the horizon. How could Venice be so beautiful? And how could her happiness be so complete—so utterly perfect? Sơn reclined in the small boat, and Miriam embraced and kissed him. His goodness enveloped her, overflowing. His loving eyes seemed to promise a future—pure, gentle, and serene—much like the music he played every night. Miriam whispered:
"I am so happy! I hope Lữ and Kim are just as happy as we are." Sơn kissed her back and smiled:
"I’m sure they are." Miriam asked:
"What is Lữ doing these days, Sơn?" Sơn looked at her. Miriam spoke of Lữ casually, as one might of an acquaintance not seen in a long time. He replied:
"Lữ is still in Sorrento, though Kim has flown over there and travels back and forth. I don’t know when Lữ will return to the States, but I’ve urged him not to let his talent go to waste. I want him to continue helping me manage the trust fund for my social work. He promised to think it over and let me know later." Miriam stopped listening. She embraced him passionately. Let us speak only of the present, Sơn. Let us savor the happiness right before us. She heard the boatman singing ahead—a song celebrating love and life itself, amidst the blue sky and warm sunshine of Venice. Miriam gave thanks to God, to life, and to that distant land across the Pacific for gifting her such a wonderful lover—for granting her this happiness, a happiness that was ultimate and would last forever.
Nguyễn Đình Phùng