2. EVASION I FELT ODDLY BUOYANT AS I WALKED FROM SPANISH toward the cafeteria, and it wasn’t just because I was holding hands with the most perfect person on the planet, though that was certainly part of it.
Maybe it was the knowledge that my sentence was served and I was a free woman again.
Or maybe it wasn’t anything to do with me specifically. Maybe it was the atmosphere of freedom that hung over the entire campus. School was winding down, and, for the senior class especially, there was a perceptible thrill in the air.
Freedom was so close it was touchable, taste-able. Signs of it were everywhere. Posters crowded together on the cafeteria walls, and the trashcans wore a colorful skirt of spilled-over fliers: reminders to buy yearbooks, class rings, and announcements; deadlines to order graduation gowns, hats, and tassels; neon-bright sales pitches — the juniors campaigning for class office; ominous, rose-wreathed advertisements for this year’s prom. The big dance was this coming weekend, but I had an ironclad promise from Edward that I would not be subjected to that again. After all, I’d already had that human experience.
No, it must be my personal freedom that lightened me today. The ending of the school year did not give me the pleasure it seemed to give the other students. Actually, I felt nervous to the point of nausea whenever I thought of it. I tried to not think of it.
But it was hard to escape such an omnipresent topic as graduation.
“Have you sent your announcements, yet?” Angela asked when Edward and I sat down at our table. She had her light brown hair pulled back into a sloppy ponytail instead of her usual smooth hairdo, and there was a slightly frantic look about her eyes.
Alice and Ben were already there, too, on either side of Angela. Ben was intent over a comic book, his glasses sliding down his narrow nose. Alice was scrutinizing my boring jeans-and-a-t-shirt outfit in a way that made me self-conscious. Probably plotting another makeover. I sighed. My indifferent attitude to fashion was a constant thorn in her side. If I’d allow it, she’d love to dress me every day — perhaps several times a day — like some oversized three-dimensional paper doll.
“No,” I answered Angela. “There’s no point, really. Renée knows when I’m graduating. Who else is there?”
“How about you, Alice?”
Alice smiled. “All done.”
“Lucky you.” Angela sighed. “My mother has a thousand cousins and she expects me to hand-address one to everybody. I’m going to get carpal tunnel. I can’t put it off any longer and I’m just dreading it.”
“I’ll help you,” I volunteered. “If you don’t mind my awful handwriting.”
Charlie would like that. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward smile. He must like that, too — me fulfilling Charlie’s conditions without involving werewolves.
Angela looked relieved. “That’s so nice of you. I’ll come over any time you want.”
“Actually, I’d rather go to your house if that’s okay — I’m sick of mine. Charlie un-grounded me last night.” I grinned as I announced my good news.
“Really?” Angela asked, mild excitement lighting her always-gentle brown eyes. “I thought you said you were in for life.”
“I’m more surprised than you are. I was sure I would at least have finished high school before he set me free.”
“Well, this is great, Bella! We’ll have to go out to celebrate.”
“You have no idea how good that sounds.”
“What should we do?” Alice mused, her face lighting up at the possibilities. Alice’s ideas were usually a little grandiose for me, and I could see it in her eyes now — the tendency to take things too far kicking into action.
“Whatever you’re thinking, Alice, I doubt I’m that free.”
“Free is free, right?” she insisted.
“I’m sure I still have boundaries — like the continental U.S., for example.”
Angela and Ben laughed, but Alice grimaced in real disappointment.
“So what are we doing tonight?” she persisted.
“Nothing. Look, let’s give it a couple of days to make sure he wasn’t joking. It’s a school night, anyway.”
“We’ll celebrate this weekend, then.” Alice’s enthusiasm was impossible to repress.
“Sure,” I said, hoping to placate her. I knew I wasn’t going to do anything too outlandish; it would be safer to take it slow with Charlie. Give him a chance to appreciate how trustworthy and mature I was before I asked for any favors.
Angela and Alice started talking about options; Ben joined the conversation, setting his comics aside. My attention drifted. I was surprised to find that the subject of my freedom was suddenly not as gratifying as it had been just a moment ago. While they discussed things to do in Port Angeles or maybe Hoquiam, I began to feel disgruntled.
It didn’t take long to determine where my restlessness stemmed from.
Ever since I’d said goodbye to Jacob Black in the forest outside my home, I’d been plagued by a persistent, uncomfortable intrusion of a specific mental picture. It popped into my thoughts at regular intervals like some annoying alarm clock set to sound every half hour, filling my head with the image of Jacob’s face crumpled in pain. This was the last memory I had of him.
As the disturbing vision struck again, I knew exactly why I was dissatisfied with my liberty. Because it was incomplete.
Sure, I was free to go to anywhere I wanted — except La Push; free to do anything I wanted — except see Jacob. I frowned at the table. There had to be some kind of middle ground.
“Alice? Alice!”
Angela’s voice yanked me from my reverie. She was waving her hand back and forth in front of Alice’s blank, staring face. Alice’s expression was something I recognized — an expression that sent an automatic shock of panic through my body. The vacant look in her eyes told me that she was seeing something very different from the mundane lunchroom scene that surrounded us, but something that was every bit as real in its own way. Something that was coming, something that would happen soon. I felt the blood slither from my face.
Then Edward laughed, a very natural, relaxed sound. Angela and Ben looked toward him, but my eyes were locked on Alice. She jumped suddenly, as if someone had kicked her under the table.
“Is it naptime already, Alice?” Edward teased.
Alice was herself again. “Sorry, I was daydreaming, I guess.”
“Daydreaming’s better than facing two more hours of school,” Ben said.
Alice threw herself back into the conversation with more animation than before — just a little bit too much. Once I saw her eyes lock with Edward’s, only for a moment, and then she looked back to Angela before anyone else noticed. Edward was quiet, playing absentmindedly with a strand of my hair.
I waited anxiously for a chance to ask Edward what Alice had seen in her vision, but the afternoon passed without one minute of alone time.
It felt odd to me, almost deliberate. After lunch, Edward slowed his pace to match Ben’s, talking about some assignment I knew he’d already finished. Then there was always someone else there between classes, though we usually had a few minutes to ourselves. When the final bell rang, Edward struck up a conversation with Mike Newton of all people, falling into step beside him as Mike headed for the parking lot. I trailed behind, letting Edward tow me along.
I listened, confused, while Mike answered Edward’s unusually friendly queries. It seemed Mike was having car troubles.
“. . . but I just replaced the battery,” Mike was saying. His eyes darted ahead and then back to Edward warily. Mystified, just like I was.
“Perhaps it’s the cables?” Edward offered.
“Maybe. I really don’t know anything about cars,” Mike admitted. “I need to have someone look at it, but I can’t afford to take it to Dowling’s.”
I opened my mouth to suggest my mechanic, and then snapped it shut again. My mechanic was busy these days — busy running around as a giant wolf.
“I know a few things — I could take a look, if you like,” Edward offered. “Just let me drop Alice and Bella at home.”
Mike and I both stared at Edward with our mouths hanging open.
“Er . . . thanks,” Mike mumbled when he recovered. “But I have to get to work. Maybe some other time.”
“Absolutely.”
“See ya.” Mike climbed into his car, shaking his head in disbelief.
Edward’s Volvo, with Alice already inside, was just two cars away.
“What was that about?” I muttered as Edward held the passenger door for me.
“Just being helpful,” Edward answered.
And then Alice, waiting in the backseat, was babbling at top speed.
“You’re really not that good a mechanic, Edward. Maybe you should have Rosalie take a look at it tonight, just so you look good if Mike decides to let you help, you know. Not that it wouldn’t be fun to watch his face if Rosalie showed up to help. But since Rosalie is supposed to be across the country attending college, I guess that’s not the best idea. Too bad. Though I suppose, for Mike’s car, you’ll do. It’s only within the finer tunings of a good Italian sports car that you’re out of your depth. And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche. I don’t know that I want to wait for Christmas. . . .”
I stopped listening after a minute, letting her quick voice become just a hum in the background as I settled into my patient mode.
It looked to me like Edward was trying to avoid my questions. Fine. He would have to be alone with me soon enough. It was only a matter of time.
Edward seemed to realize that, too. He dropped Alice at the mouth of the Cullens’ drive as usual, though by this point I half expected him to drive her to the door and walk her in.
As she got out, Alice threw a sharp look at his face. Edward seemed completely at ease.
“See you later,” he said. And then, ever so slightly, he nodded.
Alice turned to disappear into the trees.
He was quiet as he turned the car around and headed back to Forks. I waited, wondering if he would bring it up himself. He didn’t, and this made me tense. What had Alice seen today at lunch? Something he didn’t want to tell me, and I tried to think of a reason why he would keep secrets. Maybe it would be better to prepare myself before I asked. I didn’t want to freak out and have him think I couldn’t handle it, whatever it was.
So we were both silent until we got to back to Charlie’s house.
“Light homework load tonight,” he commented.
“Mmm,” I assented.
“Do you suppose I’m allowed inside again?”
“Charlie didn’t throw a fit when you picked me up for school.”
But I was sure Charlie was going to turn sulky fast when he got home and found Edward here. Maybe I should make something extra-special for dinner.
Inside, I headed up the stairs, and Edward followed. He lounged on my bed and gazed out the window, seeming oblivious to my edginess.
I stowed my bag and turned the computer on. There was an unanswered e-mail from my mom to attend to, and she got panicky when I took too long. I drummed my fingers as I waited for my decrepit computer to wheeze awake; they snapped against the desk, staccato and anxious.
And then his fingers were on mine, holding them still.
“Are we a little impatient today?” he murmured.
I looked up, intending to make a sarcastic remark, but his face was closer than I’d expected. His golden eyes were smoldering, just inches away, and his breath was cool against my open lips. I could taste his scent on my tongue.
I couldn’t remember the witty response I’d been about to make. I couldn’t remember my name.
He didn’t give me a chance to recover.
If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing Edward. There wasn’t anything I’d experienced in my life that compared to the feeling of his cool lips, marble hard but always so gentle, moving with mine.
I didn’t often get my way.
So it surprised me a little when his fingers braided themselves into my hair, securing my face to his. My arms locked behind his neck, and I wished I was stronger — strong enough to keep him prisoner here. One hand slid down my back, pressing me tighter against his stone chest. Even through his sweater, his skin was cold enough to make me shiver — it was a shiver of pleasure, of happiness, but his hands began to loosen in response.
I knew I had about three seconds before he would sigh and slide me deftly away, saying something about how we’d risked my life enough for one afternoon. Making the most of my last seconds, I crushed myself closer, molding myself to the shape of him. The tip of my tongue traced the curve of his lower lip; it was as flawlessly smooth as if it had been polished, and the taste —
He pulled my face away from his, breaking my hold with ease — he probably didn’t even realize that I was using all my strength.
He chuckled once, a low, throaty sound. His eyes were bright with the excitement he so rigidly disciplined.
“Ah, Bella.” He sighed.
“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”
“And I should feel sorry that you’re not sorry, but I don’t. Maybe I should go sit on the bed.”
I exhaled a little dizzily. “If you think that’s necessary. . . .”
He smiled crookedly and disentangled himself.
I shook my head a few times, trying to clear it, and turned back to my computer. It was all warmed up and humming now. Well, not as much humming as groaning.
“Tell Renée I said hello.”
“Sure thing.”
I scanned through Renée’s e-mail, shaking my head now and then at some of the dippier things she’d done. I was just as entertained and horrified as the first time I’d read this. It was so like my mother to forget exactly how paralyzed she was by heights until she was already strapped to a parachute and a dive instructor. I felt a little frustrated with Phil, her husband of almost two years, for allowing that one. I would have taken better care of her. I knew her so much better.
You have to let them go their own way eventually, I reminded myself. You have to let them have their own life. . . .
I’d spent most of my life taking care of Renée, patiently guiding her away from her craziest plans, good-naturedly enduring the ones I couldn’t talk her out of. I’d always been indulgent with my mom, amused by her, even a little condescending to her. I saw her cornucopia of mistakes and laughed privately to myself. Scatterbrained Renée.
I was a very different person from my mother. Someone thoughtful and cautious. The responsible one, the grown-up. That’s how I saw myself. That was the person I knew.
With the blood still pounding in my head from Edward’s kiss, I couldn’t help but think of my mother’s most life-altering mistake. Silly and romantic, getting married fresh out of high school to a man she barely knew, then producing me a year later. She’d always promised me that she had no regrets, that I was the best gift her life had ever given her. And yet she’d drilled it into me over and over — smart people took marriage seriously. Mature people went to college and started careers before they got deeply involved in a relationship. She knew I would never be as thoughtless and goofy and small-town as she’d been. . . .
I gritted my teeth and tried to concentrate as I answered her letter.
Then I hit her parting line and remembered why I’d neglected to write sooner.
You haven’t said anything about Jacob in a long time, she’d written. What’s he up to these days?
Charlie was prompting her, I was sure.
I sighed and typed quickly, tucking the answer to her question between two less sensitive paragraphs.
Jacob is fine, I guess. I don’t see him much; he spends most of his time with a pack of his friends down at La Push these days.
Smiling wryly to myself, I added Edward’s greeting and hit “send.”
I didn’t realize that Edward was standing silently behind me again until after I’d turned off the computer and shoved away from the desk. I was about to scold him for reading over my shoulder when I realized that he wasn’t paying any attention to me. He was examining a flat black box with wires curling crookedly away from the main square in a way that didn’t look healthy for whatever it was. After a second, I recognized the car stereo Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper had given me for my last birthday. I’d forgotten about the birthday presents hiding under a growing pile of dust on the floor of my closet.
“What did you do to this?” he asked in a horrorstruck voice.
“It didn’t want to come out of the dashboard.”
“So you felt the need to torture it?”
“You know how I am with tools. No pain was inflicted intentionally.”
He shook his head, his face a mask of faux tragedy. “You killed it.”
I shrugged. “Oh, well.”
“It would hurt their feelings if they saw this,” he said. “I guess it’s a good thing that you’ve been on house arrest. I’ll have to get another one in place before they notice.”
“Thanks, but I don’t need a fancy stereo.”
“It’s not for your sake that I’m going to replace it.”
I sighed.
“You didn’t get much good out of your birthday presents last year,” he said in a disgruntled voice. Suddenly, he was fanning himself with a stiff rectangle of paper.
I didn’t answer, for fear my voice would shake. My disastrous eighteenth birthday — with all its far-reaching consequences — wasn’t something I cared to remember, and I was surprised that he would bring it up. He was even more sensitive about it than I was.
“Do you realize these are about to expire?” he asked, holding the paper out to me. It was another present — the voucher for airplane tickets that Esme and Carlisle had given me so that I could visit Renée in Florida.
I took a deep breath and answered in a flat voice. “No. I’d forgotten all about them, actually.”
His expression was carefully bright and positive; there was no trace of any deep emotion as he continued. “Well, we still have a little time. You’ve been liberated . . . and we have no plans this weekend, as you refuse to go to the prom with me.” He grinned. “Why not celebrate your freedom this way?”
I gasped. “By going to Florida?”
“You did say something about the continental U.S. being allowable.”
I glared at him, suspicious, trying to understand where this had come from.
“Well?” he demanded. “Are we going to see Renée or not?”
“Charlie will never allow it.”
“Charlie can’t keep you from visiting your mother. She still has primary custody.”
“Nobody has custody of me. I’m an adult.”
He flashed a brilliant smile. “Exactly.”
I thought it over for a short minute before deciding that it wasn’t worth the fight. Charlie would be furious — not that I was going to see Renée, but that Edward was going with me. Charlie wouldn’t speak to me for months, and I’d probably end up grounded again. It was definitely smarter not to even bring it up. Maybe in a few weeks, as a graduation favor or something.
But the idea of seeing my mother now, not weeks from now, was hard to resist. It had been so long since I’d seen Renée. And even longer since I’d seen her under pleasant circumstances. The last time I’d been with her in Phoenix, I’d spent the whole time in a hospital bed. The last time she’d come here, I’d been more or less catatonic. Not exactly the best memories to leave her with.
And maybe, if she saw how happy I was with Edward, she would tell Charlie to ease up.
Edward scrutinized my face while I deliberated.
I sighed. “Not this weekend.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to fight with Charlie. Not so soon after he’s forgiven me.”
His eyebrows pulled together. “I think this weekend is perfect,” he muttered.
I shook my head. “Another time.”
“You aren’t the only one who’s been trapped in this house, you know.” He frowned at me.
Suspicion returned. This kind of behavior was unlike him. He was always so impossibly selfless; I knew it was making me spoiled.
“You can go anywhere you want,” I pointed out.
“The outside world holds no interest for me without you.”
I rolled my eyes at the hyperbole.
“I’m serious,” he said.
“Let’s take the outside world slowly, all right? For example, we could start with a movie in Port Angeles. . . .”
He groaned. “Never mind. We’ll talk about it later.”
“There’s nothing left to talk about.”
He shrugged.
“Okay, then, new subject,” I said. I’d almost forgotten my worries about this afternoon — had that been his intention? “What did Alice see today at lunch?”
My eyes were fixed on his face as I spoke, measuring his reaction.
His expression was composed; there was only the slightest hardening of his topaz eyes. “She’s been seeing Jasper in a strange place, somewhere in the southwest, she thinks, near his former . . . family. But he has no conscious intentions to go back.” He sighed. “It’s got her worried.”
“Oh.” That was nothing close to what I’d been expecting. But of course it made sense that Alice would be watching out for Jasper’s future. He was her soul mate, her true other half, though they weren’t as flamboyant about their relationship as Rosalie and Emmett were. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I didn’t realize you’d noticed,” he said. “It’s probably nothing important, in any case.”
My imagination was sadly out of control. I’d taken a perfectly normal afternoon and twisted it until it looked like Edward was going out of his way to keep things from me. I needed therapy.
We went downstairs to work on our homework, just in case Charlie showed up early. Edward finished in minutes; I slogged laboriously through my calculus until I decided it was time to fix Charlie’s dinner. Edward helped, making faces every so often at the raw ingredients — human food was mildly repulsive to him. I made stroganoff from Grandma Swan’s recipe, because I was sucking up. It wasn’t one of my favorites, but it would please Charlie.
Charlie seemed to already be in a good mood when he got home. He didn’t even go out of his way to be rude to Edward. Edward excused himself from eating with us, as usual. The sound of the nightly news drifted from the front room, but I doubted Edward was really watching.
After forcing down three helpings, Charlie kicked his feet up on the spare chair and folded his hands contentedly across his distended stomach.
“That was great, Bells.”
“I’m glad you liked it. How was work?” He’d been eating with too much concentration for me to make conversation before.
“Sort of slow. Well, dead slow really. Mark and I played cards for a good part of the afternoon,” he admitted with a grin. “I won, nineteen hands to seven. And then I was on the phone with Billy for a while.”
I tried to keep my expression the same. “How is he?”
“Good, good. His joints are bothering him a little.”
“Oh. That’s too bad.”
“Yeah. He invited us down to visit this weekend. He was thinking of having the Clearwaters and the Uleys over too. Sort of a playoff party. . . .”
“Huh,” was my genius response. But what could I say? I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to hit a werewolf party, even with parental supervision. I wondered if Edward would have a problem with Charlie hanging out in La Push. Or would he suppose that, since Charlie was mostly spending time with Billy, who was only human, my father wouldn’t be in danger?
I got up and piled the dishes together without looking at Charlie. I dumped them into the sink and started the water. Edward appeared silently and grabbed a dishtowel.
Charlie sighed and gave up for the moment, though I imagined he would revisit the subject when we were alone again. He heaved himself to his feet and headed for the TV, just like every other night.
“Charlie,” Edward said in a conversational tone.
Charlie stopped in the middle of his little kitchen. “Yeah?”
“Did Bella ever tell you that my parents gave her airplane tickets on her last birthday, so that she could visit Renée?”
I dropped the plate I was scrubbing. It glanced off the counter and clattered noisily to the floor. It didn’t break, but it spattered the room, and all three of us, with soapy water. Charlie didn’t even seem to notice.
“Bella?” he asked in a stunned voice.
I kept my eyes on the plate as I retrieved it. “Yeah, they did.”
Charlie swallowed loudly, and then his eyes narrowed as he turned back to Edward. “No, she never mentioned it.”
“Hmm,” Edward murmured.
“Was there a reason you brought it up?” Charlie asked in a hard voice.
Edward shrugged. “They’re about to expire. I think it might hurt Esme’s feelings if Bella doesn’t use her gift. Not that she’d say anything.”
I stared at Edward in disbelief.
Charlie thought for a minute. “It’s probably a good idea for you to visit your mom, Bella. She’d love that. I’m surprised you didn’t say anything about this, though.”
“I forgot,” I admitted.
He frowned. “You forgot that someone gave you plane tickets?”
“Mmm,” I murmured vaguely, and turned back to the sink.
“I noticed that you said they’re about to expire, Edward,” Charlie went on. “How many tickets did your parents give her?”
“Just one for her . . . and one for me.”
The plate I dropped this time landed in the sink, so it didn’t make as much noise. I could easily hear the sharp huff as my father exhaled. The blood rushed into my face, fueled by irritation and chagrin. Why was Edward doing this? I glared at the bubbles in the sink, panicking.
“That’s out of the question!” Charlie was abruptly in a rage, shouting the words.
“Why?” Edward asked, his voice saturated with innocent surprise. “You just said it was a good idea for her to see her mother.”
Charlie ignored him. “You’re not going anywhere with him, young lady!” he yelled. I spun around and he was jabbing a finger at me.
Anger pulsed through me automatically, an instinctive reaction to his tone.
“I’m not a child, Dad. And I’m not grounded anymore, remember?”
“Oh yes, you are. Starting now.”
“For what?!”
“Because I said so.”
“Do I need to remind you that I’m a legal adult, Charlie?”
“This is my house — you follow my rules!”
My glare turned icy. “If that’s how you want it. Do you want me to move out tonight? Or can I have a few days to pack?”
Charlie’s face went bright red. I instantly felt horrible for playing the move-out card.
I took a deep breath and tried to make my tone more reasonable. “I’ll do my time without complaining when I’ve done something wrong, Dad, but I’m not going to put up with your prejudices.”
He sputtered, but managed nothing coherent.
“Now, I know that you know that I have every right to see Mom for the weekend. You can’t honestly tell me you’d object to the plan if I was going with Alice or Angela.”
“Girls,” he grunted, with a nod.
“Would it bother you if I took Jacob?”
I’d only picked the name because I knew of my father’s preference for Jacob, but I quickly wished I hadn’t; Edward’s teeth clenched together with an audible snap.
My father struggled to compose himself before he answered. “Yes,” he said in an unconvincing voice. “That would bother me.”
“You’re a rotten liar, Dad.”
“Bella —”
“It’s not like I’m headed off to Vegas to be a showgirl or anything. I’m going to see Mom,” I reminded him. “She’s just as much my parental authority as you are.”
He threw me a withering look.
“Are you implying something about Mom’s ability to look after me?”
Charlie flinched at the threat implicit in my question.
“You’d better hope I don’t mention this to her,” I said.
“You’d better not,” he warned. “I’m not happy about this, Bella.”
“There’s no reason for you to be upset.”
He rolled his eyes, but I could tell the storm was over.
I turned to pull the plug out of the sink. “So my homework is done, your dinner is done, the dishes are done, and I’m not grounded. I’m going out. I’ll be back before ten-thirty.”
“Where are you going?” His face, almost back to normal, flushed light red again.
“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “I’ll keep it within a ten-mile radius, though. Okay?”
He grunted something that did not sound like approval, and stalked out of the room. Naturally, as soon as I’d won the fight, I began to feel guilty.
“We’re going out?” Edward asked, his voice low but enthusiastic.
I turned to glower at him. “Yes. I think I’d like to speak to you alone.”
He didn’t look as apprehensive as I thought he should.
I waited to begin until we were safely in his car.
“What was that?” I demanded.
“I know you want to see your mother, Bella — you’ve been talking about her in your sleep. Worrying actually.”
“I have?”
He nodded. “But, clearly, you were too much of a coward to deal with Charlie, so I interceded on your behalf.”
“Interceded? You threw me to the sharks!”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t think you were in any danger.”
“I told you I didn’t want to fight with Charlie.”
“Nobody said that you had to.”
I glowered at him. “I can’t help myself when he gets all bossy like that — my natural teenage instincts overpower me.”
He chuckled. “Well, that’s not my fault.”
I stared at him, speculating. He didn’t seem to notice. His face was serene as he gazed out the windshield. Something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Or maybe it was just my imagination again, running wild like it had this afternoon.
“Does this sudden urge to see Florida have anything to do with the party at Billy’s place?”
His jaw flexed. “Nothing at all. It wouldn’t matter if you were here or on the other side of the world, you still wouldn’t be going.”
It was just like with Charlie before — just like being treated as a misbehaving child. I gritted my teeth together so I wouldn’t start shouting. I didn’t want to fight with Edward, too.
Edward sighed, and when he spoke his voice was warm and velvet again. “So what do you want to do tonight?” he asked.
“Can we go to your house? I haven’t seen Esme in so long.”
He smiled. “She’ll like that. Especially when she hears what we’re doing this weekend.”
I groaned in defeat.
We didn’t stay out late, as I’d promised. I was not surprised to see the lights still on when we pulled up in front of the house — I knew Charlie would be waiting to yell at me some more.
“You’d better not come inside,” I said. “It will only make things worse.”
“His thoughts are relatively calm,” Edward teased. His expression made me wonder if there was some additional joke I was missing. The corners of his mouth twitched, fighting a smile.
“I’ll see you later,” I muttered glumly.
He laughed and kissed the top of my head. “I’ll be back when Charlie’s snoring.”
The TV was loud when I got inside. I briefly considered trying to sneak past him.
“Could you come in here, Bella?” Charlie called, sinking that plan.
My feet dragged as I took the five necessary steps.
“What’s up, Dad?”
“Did you have a nice time tonight?” he asked. He seemed ill at ease. I looked for hidden meanings in his words before I answered.
“Yes,” I said hesitantly.
“What did you do?”
I shrugged. “Hung out with Alice and Jasper. Edward beat Alice at chess, and then I played Jasper. He buried me.”
I smiled. Edward and Alice playing chess was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen. They’d sat there nearly motionless, staring at the board, while Alice foresaw the moves he would make and he picked the moves she would make in return out of her head. They played most of the game in their minds; I think they’d each moved two pawns when Alice suddenly flicked her king over and surrendered. It took all of three minutes.
Charlie hit the mute button — an unusual action.
“Look, there’s something I need to say.” He frowned, looking very uncomfortable.
I sat still, waiting. He met my gaze for a second before shifting his eyes to the floor. He didn’t say anything more.
“What is it, Dad?”
He sighed. “I’m not good at this kind of thing. I don’t know how to start. . . .”
I waited again.
“Okay, Bella. Here’s the thing.” He got up from the couch and started pacing back and forth across the room, looking as his feet all the time. “You and Edward seem pretty serious, and there are some things that you need to be careful about. I know you’re an adult now, but you’re still young, Bella, and there are a lot of important things you need to know when you . . . well, when you’re physically involved with —”
“Oh, please, please no!” I begged, jumping to my feet. “Please tell me you are not trying to have a sex talk with me, Charlie.”
He glared at the floor. “I am your father. I have responsibilities. Remember, I’m just as embarrassed as you are.”
“I don’t think that’s humanly possible. Anyway, Mom beat you to the punch about ten years ago. You’re off the hook.”
“Ten years ago you didn’t have a boyfriend,” he muttered unwillingly. I could tell he was battling with his desire to drop the subject. We were both standing up, looking at the floor, and facing away from each other.
“I don’t think the essentials have changed that much,” I mumbled, and my face had to be as red as his. This was beyond the seventh circle of Hades; even worse was realizing that Edward had known this was coming. No wonder he’d seemed so smug in the car.
“Just tell me that you two are being responsible,” Charlie pled, obviously wishing a pit would open in the floor so that he could fall in.
“Don’t worry about it, Dad, it’s not like that.”
“Not that I don’t trust you, Bella, but I know you don’t want to tell me anything about this, and you know I don’t really want to hear it. I will try to be open-minded, though. I know the times have changed.”
I laughed awkwardly. “Maybe the times have, but Edward is very old-fashioned. You have nothing to worry about.”
Charlie sighed. “Sure he is,” he muttered.
“Ugh!” I groaned. “I really wish you were not forcing me to say this out loud, Dad. Really. But . . . I am a . . . virgin, and I have no immediate plans to change that status.”
We both cringed, but then Charlie’s face smoothed out. He seemed to believe me.
“Can I go to bed, now? Please.”
“In a minute,” he said.
“Aw, please, Dad? I’m begging you.”
“The embarrassing part’s over, I promise,” he assured me.
I shot a glance at him, and was grateful to see that he looked more relaxed, that his face was back to its regular color. He sank down onto the sofa, sighing with relief that he was past the sex speech.
“What now?”
“I just wanted to know how the balance thing is coming along.”
“Oh. Good, I guess. I made plans with Angela today. I’m going to help her with her graduation announcements. Just us girls.”
“That’s nice. And what about Jake?”
I sighed. “I haven’t figured that one out yet, Dad.”
“Keep trying, Bella. I know you’ll do the right thing. You’re a good person.”
Nice. So if I didn’t figure out some way to make things right with Jacob, then I was a bad person? That was below the belt.
“Sure, sure,” I agreed. The automatic response almost made me smile — it was something I’d picked up from Jacob. I even said it in the same patronizing tone he used with his own father.
Charlie grinned and turned the sound back on. He slumped lower into the cushions, pleased with his night’s work. I could tell he would be up with the game for a while.
“’Night, Bells.”
“See you in the morning!” I sprinted for the stairs.
Edward was long gone and he wouldn’t be back until Charlie was asleep — he was probably out hunting or something to pass the time — so I was in no hurry to undress for bed. I wasn’t in the mood to be alone, but I certainly wasn’t going to go back downstairs to hang out with my Dad, just in case he thought of some topic of sex education that he hadn’t touched on before; I shuddered.
So, thanks to Charlie, I was wound up and anxious. My homework was done and I didn’t feel mellow enough for reading or just listening to music. I considered calling Renée with the news of my visit, but then I realized that it was three hours later in Florida, and she would be asleep.
I could call Angela, I supposed.
But suddenly I knew that it wasn’t Angela that I wanted to talk to. That I needed to talk to.
I stared at the blank black window, biting my lip. I don’t know how long I stood there weighing the pros against the cons — doing the right thing by Jacob, seeing my closest friend again, being a good person, versus making Edward furious with me. Ten minutes maybe. Long enough to decide that the pros were valid while the cons were not. Edward was only concerned about my safety, and I knew that there was really no problem on that count.
The phone wasn’t any help; Jacob had refused to answer my phone calls since Edward’s return. Besides, I needed to see him — see him smiling again the way he used to. I needed to replace that awful last memory of his face warped and twisted by pain if I was ever going to have any peace of mind.
I had an hour probably. I could make a quick run down to La Push and be back before Edward realized I had gone. It was past my curfew, but would Charlie really care about that when Edward wasn’t involved? One way to find out.
I grabbed my jacket and shoved my arms through the sleeves as I ran down the stairs.
Charlie looked up from the game, instantly suspicious.
“You care if I go see Jake tonight?” I asked breathlessly. “I won’t stay long.”
As soon as I said Jake’s name, Charlie’s expression relaxed into a smug smile. He didn’t seem surprised at all that his lecture had taken effect so quickly. “Sure, kid. No problem. Stay as long as you like.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I said as I darted out the door.
Like any fugitive, I couldn’t help looking over my shoulder a few times while I jogged to my truck, but the night was so black that there really was no point. I had to feel my way along the side of the truck to the handle.
My eyes were just beginning to adjust as I shoved my keys in the ignition. I twisted them hard to the left, but instead of roaring deafeningly to life, the engine just clicked. I tried it again with the same results.
And then a small motion in my peripheral vision made me jump.
“Gah!” I gasped in shock when I saw that I was not alone in the cab.
Edward sat very still, a faint bright spot in the darkness, only his hands moving as he turned a mysterious black object around and around. He stared at the object as he spoke.
“Alice called,” he murmured.
Alice! Damn. I’d forgotten to account for her in my plans. He must have her watching me.
“She got nervous when your future rather abruptly disappeared five minutes ago.”
My eyes, already wide with surprise, popped wider.
“Because she can’t see the wolves, you know,” he explained in the same low murmur. “Had you forgotten that? When you decide to mingle your fate with theirs, you disappear, too. You couldn’t know that part, I realize that. But can you understand why that might make me a little . . . anxious? Alice saw you disappear, and she couldn’t even tell if you’d come home or not. Your future got lost, just like theirs.
“We’re not sure why this is. Some natural defense they’re born with?” He spoke as if he were talking to himself now, still looking at the piece of my truck’s engine as he twirled it in his hands. “That doesn’t seem entirely likely, since I haven’t had any trouble reading their thoughts. The Blacks’ at least. Carlisle theorizes that it’s because their lives are so ruled by their transformations. It’s more an involuntary reaction than a decision. Utterly unpredictable, and it changes everything about them. In that instant when they shift from one form to the other, they don’t really even exist. The future can’t hold them. . . .”
I listened to his musing in stony silence.
“I’ll put your car back together in time for school, in case you’d like to drive yourself,” he assured me after a minute.
With my lips mashed together, I retrieved my keys and stiffly climbed out of the truck.
“Shut your window if you want me to stay away tonight. I’ll understand,” he whispered just before I slammed the door.
I stomped into the house, slamming that door, too.
“What’s wrong?” Charlie demanded from the couch.
“Truck won’t start,” I growled.
“Want me to look at it?”
“No. I’ll try it in the morning.”
“Want to use my car?”
I wasn’t supposed to drive his police cruiser. Charlie must be really desperate to get me to La Push. Nearly as desperate as I was.
“No. I’m tired,” I grumbled. “’Night.”
I stamped my way up the stairs, and went straight to my window. I shoved the metal frame roughly — it crashed shut and the glass trembled.
I stared at the shivering black glass for a long moment, until it was still. Then I sighed, and opened the window as wide as it would go.
===========================================================================
3. MOTIVES
THE SUN WAS SO DEEPLY BURIED BEHIND THE CLOUDS that there was no way to tell if it had set or not. After the long flight — chasing the sun westward so that it seemed unmoving in the sky — it was especially disorienting; time seemed oddly variable. It took me by surprise when the forest gave way to the first buildings, signaling that we were nearly home.
“You’ve been very quiet,” Edward observed. “Did the plane make you sick?”
“No, I’m okay.”
“Are you sad to leave?”
“More relieved than sad, I think.”
He raised one eyebrow at me. I knew it was useless and — much as I hated to admit it — unnecessary to ask him to keep his eyes on the road.
“Renée is so much more . . . perceptive than Charlie in some ways. It was making me jumpy.”
Edward laughed. “Your mother has a very interesting mind. Almost childlike, but very insightful. She sees things differently than other people.”
Insightful. It was a good description of my mother — when she was paying attention. Most of the time Renée was so bewildered by her own life that she didn’t notice much else. But this weekend she’d been paying plenty of attention to me.
Phil was busy — the high school baseball team he coached was in the playoffs — and being alone with Edward and me had only sharpened Renée’s focus. As soon as the hugs and squeals of delight were out of the way, Renée began to watch. And as she’d watched, her wide blue eyes had become first confused and then concerned.
This morning we’d gone for a walk along the beach. She wanted to show off all the beauties of her new home, still hoping, I think, that the sun might lure me away from Forks. She’d also wanted to talk with me alone, and that was easily arranged. Edward had fabricated a term paper to give himself an excuse to stay indoors during the day.
In my head, I went through the conversation again. . . .
Renée and I ambled along the sidewalk, trying to stay in the range of the infrequent palm tree shadows. Though it was early, the heat was smothering. The air was so heavy with moisture that just breathing in and out was giving my lungs a workout.
“Bella?” my mother asked, looking out past the sand to the lightly crashing waves as she spoke.
“What is it, Mom?”
She sighed, not meeting my gaze. “I’m worried. . . .”
“What’s wrong?” I asked, anxious at once. “What can I do?”
“It’s not me.” She shook her head. “I’m worried about you . . . and Edward.”
Renée finally looked at me when she said his name, her face apologetic.
“Oh,” I mumbled, fixing my eyes on a pair of joggers as they passed us, drenched with sweat.
“You two are more serious than I’d been thinking,” she went on.
I frowned, quickly reviewing the last two days in my head. Edward and I had barely touched — in front of her, at least. I wondered if Renée was about to give me a lecture on responsibility, too. I didn’t mind that the way I had with Charlie. It wasn’t embarrassing with my mom. After all, I’d been the one giving her that lecture time and time again in the last ten years.
“There’s something . . . strange about the way you two are together,” she murmured, her forehead creasing over her troubled eyes. “The way he watches you — it’s so . . . protective. Like he’s about to throw himself in front of a bullet to save you or something.”
I laughed, though I was still not able to meet her gaze. “That’s a bad thing?”
“No.” She frowned as she struggled for the words. “It’s just different. He’s very intense about you . . . and very careful. I feel like I don’t really understand your relationship. Like there’s some secret I’m missing. . . .”
“I think you’re imagining things, Mom,” I said quickly, struggling to keep my voice light. There was a flutter in my stomach. I’d forgotten how much my mother saw. Something about her simple view of the world cut through all the distractions and pierced right to the truth of things. This had never been a problem before. Until now, there had never been a secret I couldn’t tell her.
“It’s not just him.” She set her lips defensively. “I wish you could see how you move around him.”
“What do you mean?”
“The way you move — you orient yourself around him without even thinking about it. When he moves, even a little bit, you adjust your position at the same time. Like magnets . . . or gravity. You’re like a . . . satellite, or something. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
She pursed her lips and stared down.
“Don’t tell me,” I teased, forcing a smile. “You’re reading mysteries again, aren’t you? Or is it sci-fi this time?”
Renée flushed a delicate pink. “That’s beside the point.”
“Found anything good?”
“Well, there was one — but that doesn’t matter. We’re talking about you right now.”
“You should stick to romance, Mom. You know how you freak yourself out.”
Her lips turned up at the corners. “I’m being silly, aren’t I?”
For half a second I couldn’t answer. Renée was so easily swayed. Sometimes it was a good thing, because not all of her ideas were practical. But it pained me to see how quickly she caved in to my trivializing, especially since she was dead right this time.
She looked up, and I controlled my expression.
“Not silly — just being a mom.”
She laughed and then gestured grandly toward the white sands stretching to the blue water.
“And all this isn’t enough to get you to move back in with your silly mom?”
I wiped my hand dramatically across my forehead, and then pretended to wring my hair out.
“You get used to the humidity,” she promised.
“You can get used to rain, too,” I countered.
She elbowed me playfully and then took my hand as we walked back to her car.
Other than her worries about me, she seemed happy enough. Content. She still looked at Phil with goo-goo eyes, and that was comforting. Surely her life was full and satisfying. Surely she didn’t miss me that much, even now. . . .
Edward’s icy fingers brushed my cheek. I looked up, blinking, coming back to the present. He leaned down and kissed my forehead.
“We’re home, Sleeping Beauty. Time to awake.”
We were stopped in front of Charlie’s house. The porch light was on and the cruiser was parked in the driveway. As I examined the house, I saw the curtain twitch in the living room window, flashing a line of yellow light across the dark lawn.
I sighed. Of course Charlie was waiting to pounce.
Edward must have been thinking the same thing, because his expression was stiff and his eyes remote as he came to get my door for me.
“How bad?” I asked.
“Charlie’s not going to be difficult,” Edward promised, his voice level with no hint of humor. “He missed you.”
My eyes narrowed in doubt. If that was the case, then why was Edward tensed as if for a battle?
My bag was small, but he insisted on carrying it into the house. Charlie held the door open for us.
“Welcome home, kid!” Charlie shouted like he really meant it. “How was Jacksonville?”
“Moist. And buggy.”
“So Renée didn’t sell you on the University of Florida?”
“She tried. But I’d rather drink water than inhale it.”
Charlie’s eyes flickered unwillingly to Edward. “Did you have a nice time?”
“Yes,” Edward answered in a serene voice. “Renée was very hospitable.”
“That’s . . . um, good. Glad you had fun.” Charlie turned away from Edward and pulled me in for an unexpected hug.
“Impressive,” I whispered in his ear.
He rumbled a laugh. “I really missed you, Bells. The food around here sucks when you’re gone.”
“I’ll get on it,” I said as he let me go.
“Would you call Jacob first? He’s been bugging me every five minutes since six o’clock this morning. I promised I’d have you call him before you even unpacked.”
I didn’t have to look at Edward to feel that he was too still, too cold beside me. So this was the cause of his tension.
“Jacob wants to talk to me?”
“Pretty bad, I’d say. He wouldn’t tell me what it was about — just said it was important.”
The phone rang then, shrill and demanding.
“That’s him again, I’d bet my next paycheck,” Charlie muttered.
“I got it.” I hurried to the kitchen.
Edward followed after me while Charlie disappeared into the living room.
I grabbed the phone mid-ring, and twisted around so that I was facing the wall. “Hello?”
“You’re back,” Jacob said.
His familiar husky voice sent a wave of wistfulness through me. A thousand memories spun in my head, tangling together — a rocky beach strewn with driftwood trees, a garage made of plastic sheds, warm sodas in a paper bag, a tiny room with one too-small shabby loveseat. The laughter in his deep-set black eyes, the feverish heat of his big hand around mine, the flash of his white teeth against his dark skin, his face stretching into the wide smile that had always been like a key to a secret door where only kindred spirits could enter.
It felt sort of like homesickness, this longing for the place and person who had sheltered me through my darkest night.
I cleared the lump from my throat. “Yes,” I answered.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Jacob demanded.
His angry tone instantly got my back up. “Because I’ve been in the house for exactly four seconds and your call interrupted Charlie telling me that you’d called.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Sure. Now, why are you harassing Charlie?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Yeah, I figured out that part all by myself. Go ahead.”
There was a short pause.
“You going to school tomorrow?”
I frowned to myself, unable to make sense of this question. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?”
“I dunno. Just curious.”
Another pause.
“So what did you want to talk about, Jake?”
He hesitated. “Nothing really, I guess. I . . . wanted to hear your voice.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m so glad you called me, Jake. I . . .” But I didn’t know what more to say. I wanted to tell him I was on my way to La Push right now. And I couldn’t tell him that.
“I have to go,” he said abruptly.
“What?”
“I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“But Jake —”
He was already gone. I listened to the dial tone with disbelief.
“That was short,” I muttered.
“Is everything all right?” Edward asked. His voice was low and careful.
I turned slowly to face him. His expression was perfectly smooth — impossible to read.
“I don’t know. I wonder what that was about.” It didn’t make sense that Jacob had been hounding Charlie all day just to ask me if I was going to school. And if he’d wanted to hear my voice, then why did he hang up so quickly?
“Your guess is probably better than mine,” Edward said, the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Mmm,” I murmured. That was true. I knew Jake inside and out. It shouldn’t be that complicated to figure out his motivations.
With my thoughts miles away — about fifteen miles away, up the road to La Push — I started combing through the fridge, assembling ingredients for Charlie’s dinner. Edward leaned against the counter, and I was distantly aware that his eyes were on my face, but too preoccupied to worry about what he saw there.
The school thing seemed like the key to me. That was the only real question Jake had asked. And he had to be after an answer to something, or he wouldn’t have been bugging Charlie so persistently.
Why would my attendance record matter to him, though?
I tried to think about it in a logical way. So, if I hadn’t been going to school tomorrow, what would be the problem with that, from Jacob’s perspective? Charlie had given me a little grief about missing a day of school so close to finals, but I’d convinced him that one Friday wasn’t going to derail my studies. Jake would hardly care about that.
My brain refused to come up with any brilliant insights. Maybe I was missing some vital piece of information.
What could have changed in the past three days that was so important that Jacob would break his long streak of refusing to answer my phone calls and contact me? What difference could three days make?
I froze in the middle of the kitchen. The package of icy hamburger in my hands slipped through my numb fingers. It took me a slow second to miss the thud it should have made against the floor.
Edward had caught it and thrown it onto the counter. His arms were already around me, his lips at my ear.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, dazed.
Three days could change everything.
Hadn’t I just been thinking about how impossible college was? How I couldn’t be anywhere near people after I’d gone through the painful three-day conversion that would set me free from mortality, so that I could spend eternity with Edward? The conversion that would make me forever a prisoner to my own thirst. . . .
Had Charlie told Billy that I’d vanished for three days? Had Billy jumped to conclusions? Had Jacob really been asking me if I was still human? Making sure that the werewolves’ treaty was unbroken — that none of the Cullens had dared to bite a human . . . bite, not kill . . . ?
But did he honestly think I would come home to Charlie if that was the case?
Edward shook me. “Bella?” he asked, truly anxious now.
“I think . . . I think he was checking,” I mumbled. “Checking to make sure. That I’m human, I mean.”
Edward stiffened, and a low hiss sounded in my ear.
“We’ll have to leave,” I whispered. “Before. So that it doesn’t break the treaty. We won’t ever be able to come back.”
His arms tightened around me. “I know.”
“Ahem.” Charlie cleared his voice loudly behind us.
I jumped, and then pulled free of Edward’s arms, my face getting hot. Edward leaned back against the counter. His eyes were tight. I could see worry in them, and anger.
“If you don’t want to make dinner, I can call for a pizza,” Charlie hinted.
“No, that’s okay, I’m already started.”
“Okay,” Charlie said. He propped himself against the doorframe, folding his arms.
I sighed and got to work, trying to ignore my audience.
“If I asked you to do something, would you trust me?” Edward asked, an edge to his soft voice.
We were almost to school. Edward had been relaxed and joking just a moment ago, and now suddenly his hands were clenched tight on the steering wheel, his knuckles straining in an effort not to snap it into pieces.
I stared at his anxious expression — his eyes were far away, like he was listening to distant voices.
My pulse sped in response to his stress, but I answered carefully. “That depends.”
We pulled into the school lot.
“I was afraid you would say that.”
“What do you want me to do, Edward?”
“I want you to stay in the car.” He pulled into his usual spot and turned the engine off as he spoke. “I want you to wait here until I come back for you.”
“But . . . why?”
That was when I saw him. He would have been hard to miss, towering over the students the way he did, even if he hadn’t been leaning against his black motorcycle, parked illegally on the sidewalk.
“Oh.”
Jacob’s face was a calm mask that I recognized well. It was the face he used when he was determined to keep his emotions in check, to keep himself under control. It made him look like Sam, the oldest of the wolves, the leader of the Quileute pack. But Jacob could never quite manage the perfect serenity Sam always exuded.
I’d forgotten how much this face bothered me. Though I’d gotten to know Sam pretty well before the Cullens had come back — to like him, even — I’d never been able to completely shake the resentment I felt when Jacob mimicked Sam’s expression. It was a stranger’s face. He wasn’t my Jacob when he wore it.
“You jumped to the wrong conclusion last night,” Edward murmured. “He asked about school because he knew that I would be where you were. He was looking for a safe place to talk to me. A place with witnesses.”
So I’d misinterpreted Jacob’s motives last night. Missing information, that was the problem. Information like why in the world Jacob would want to talk to Edward.
“I’m not staying in the car,” I said.
Edward groaned quietly. “Of course not. Well, let’s get this over with.”
Jacob’s face hardened as we walked toward him, hand in hand.
I noticed other faces, too — the faces of my classmates. I noticed how their eyes widened as they took in all six foot seven inches of Jacob’s long body, muscled up the way no normal sixteen-and-a-half-year-old ever had been. I saw those eyes rake over his tight black t-shirt — short-sleeved, though the day was unseasonably cool — his ragged, grease-smeared jeans, and the glossy black bike he leaned against. Their eyes didn’t linger on his face — something about his expression had them glancing quickly away. And I noticed the wide berth everyone gave him, the bubble of space that no one dared to encroach on.
With a sense of astonishment, I realized that Jacob looked dangerous to them. How odd.
Edward stopped a few yards away from Jacob, and I could tell that he was uncomfortable having me so close to a werewolf. He drew his hand back slightly, pulling me halfway behind his body.
“You could have called us,” Edward said in a steel-hard voice.
“Sorry,” Jacob answered, his face twisting into a sneer. “I don’t have any leeches on my speed dial.”
“You could have reached me at Bella’s house, of course.”
Jacob’s jaw flexed, and his brows pulled together. He didn’t answer.
“This is hardly the place, Jacob. Could we discuss this later?”
“Sure, sure. I’ll stop by your crypt after school.” Jacob snorted. “What’s wrong with now?”
Edward looked around pointedly, his eyes resting on the witnesses who were just barely out of hearing range. A few people were hesitating on the sidewalk, their eyes bright with expectation. Like they were hoping a fight might break out to alleviate the tedium of another Monday morning. I saw Tyler Crowley nudge Austin Marks, and they both paused on their way to class.
“I already know what you came to say,” Edward reminded Jacob in voice so low that I could barely make it out. “Message delivered. Consider us warned.”
Edward glanced down at me for a fleeting second with worried eyes.
“Warned?” I asked blankly. “What are you talking about?”
“You didn’t tell her?” Jacob asked, his eyes widening with disbelief. “What, were you afraid she’d take our side?”
“Please drop it, Jacob,” Edward said in an even voice.
“Why?” Jacob challenged.
I frowned in confusion. “What don’t I know? Edward?”
Edward just glared at Jacob as if he hadn’t heard me.
“Jake?”
Jacob raised his eyebrow at me. “He didn’t tell you that his big . . . brother crossed the line Saturday night?” he asked, his tone thickly layered with sarcasm. Then his eyes flickered back to Edward. “Paul was totally justified in —”
“It was no-man’s land!” Edward hissed.
“Was not!”
Jacob was fuming visibly. His hands trembled. He shook his head and sucked in two deep lungfuls of air.
“Emmett and Paul?” I whispered. Paul was Jacob’s most volatile pack brother. He was the one who’d lost control that day in the woods — the memory of the snarling gray wolf was suddenly vivid in my head. “What happened? Were they fighting?” My voice strained higher in panic. “Why? Did Paul get hurt?”
“No one fought,” Edward said quietly, only to me. “No one got hurt. Don’t be anxious.”
Jacob was staring at us with incredulous eyes. “You didn’t tell her anything at all, did you? Is that why you took her away? So she wouldn’t know that —?”
“Leave now.” Edward cut him off mid-sentence, and his face was abruptly frightening — truly frightening. For a second, he looked like . . . like a vampire. He glared at Jacob with vicious, unveiled loathing.
Jacob raised his eyebrows, but made no other move. “Why haven’t you told her?”
They faced each other in silence for a long moment. More students gathered behind Tyler and Austin. I saw Mike next to Ben — Mike had one hand on Ben’s shoulder, like he was holding him in place.
In the dead silence, all the details suddenly fell into place for me with a burst of intuition.
Something Edward didn’t want me to know.
Something that Jacob wouldn’t have kept from me.
Something that had the Cullens and the wolves both in the woods, moving in hazardous proximity to each other.
Something that would cause Edward to insist that I fly across the country.
Something that Alice had seen in a vision last week — a vision Edward had lied to me about.
Something I’d been waiting for anyway. Something I knew would happen again, as much as I might wish it never would. It was never going to end, was it?
I heard the quick gasp, gasp, gasp, gasp of the air dragging through my lips, but I couldn’t stop it. It looked like the school was shaking, like there was an earthquake, but I knew it was my own trembling that caused the illusion.
“She came back for me,” I choked out.
Victoria was never going to give up till I was dead. She would keep repeating the same pattern — feint and run, feint and run — until she found a hole through my defenders.
Maybe I’d get lucky. Maybe the Volturi would come for me first — they’d kill me quicker, at least.
Edward held me tight to his side, angling his body so that he was still between me and Jacob, and stroked my face with anxious hands. “It’s fine,” he whispered to me. “It’s fine. I’ll never let her get close to you, it’s fine.”
Then he glared at Jacob. “Does that answer your question, mongrel?”
“You don’t think Bella has a right to know?” Jacob challenged. “It’s her life.”
Edward kept his voice muted; even Tyler, edging forward by inches, would be unable to hear. “Why should she be frightened when she was never in danger?”
“Better frightened than lied to.”
I tried to pull myself together, but my eyes were swimming in moisture. I could see it behind my lids — I could see Victoria’s face, her lips pulled back over her teeth, her crimson eyes glowing with the obsession of her vendetta; she held Edward responsible for the demise of her love, James. She wouldn’t stop until his love was taken from him, too.
Edward wiped the tears from my cheek with his fingertips.
“Do you really think hurting her is better than protecting her?” he murmured.
“She’s tougher than you think,” Jacob said. “And she’s been through worse.”
Abruptly, Jacob’s expression shifted, and he was staring at Edward with an odd, speculative expression. His eyes narrowed like he was trying to do a difficult math problem in his head.
I felt Edward cringe. I glanced up at him, and his face was contorted in what could only be pain. For one ghastly moment, I was reminded of our afternoon in Italy, in the macabre tower room of the Volturi, where Jane had tortured Edward with her malignant gift, burning him with her thoughts alone. . . .
The memory snapped me out of my near hysteria and put everything in perspective. Because I’d rather Victoria killed me a hundred times over than watch Edward suffer that way again.
“That’s funny,” Jacob said, laughing as he watched Edward’s face.
Edward winced, but smoothed his expression with a little effort. He couldn’t quite hide the agony in his eyes.
I glanced, wide-eyed, from Edward’s grimace to Jacob’s sneer.
“What are you doing to him?” I demanded.
“It’s nothing, Bella,” Edward told me quietly. “Jacob just has a good memory, that’s all.”
Jacob grinned, and Edward winced again.
“Stop it! Whatever you’re doing.”
“Sure, if you want.” Jacob shrugged. “It’s his own fault if he doesn’t like the things I remember, though.”
I glared at him, and he smiled back impishly — like a kid caught doing something he knows he shouldn’t by someone who he knows won’t punish him.
“The principal’s on his way to discourage loitering on school property,” Edward murmured to me. “Let’s get to English, Bella, so you’re not involved.”
“Overprotective, isn’t he?” Jacob said, talking just to me. “A little trouble makes life fun. Let me guess, you’re not allowed to have fun, are you?”
Edward glowered, and his lips pulled back from his teeth ever so slightly.
“Shut up, Jake,” I said.
Jacob laughed. “That sounds like a no. Hey, if you ever feel like having a life again, you could come see me. I’ve still got your motorcycle in my garage.”
This news distracted me. “You were supposed to sell that. You promised Charlie you would.” If I hadn’t begged on Jake’s behalf — after all, he’d put weeks of labor into both motorcycles, and he deserved some kind of payback — Charlie would have thrown my bike in a Dumpster. And possibly set that Dumpster on fire.
“Yeah, right. Like I would do that. It belongs to you, not me. Anyway, I’ll hold on to it until you want it back.”
A tiny hint of the smile I remembered was suddenly playing around the edges of his lips.
“Jake . . .”
He leaned forward, his face earnest now, the bitter sarcasm fading. “I think I might have been wrong before, you know, about not being able to be friends. Maybe we could manage it, on my side of the line. Come see me.”
I was vividly conscious of Edward, his arms still wrapped protectively around me, motionless as a stone. I shot a look at his face — it was calm, patient.
“I, er, don’t know about that, Jake.”
Jacob dropped the antagonistic façade completely. It was like he’d forgotten Edward was there, or at least he was determined to act that way. “I miss you every day, Bella. It’s not the same without you.”
“I know and I’m sorry, Jake, I just . . .”
He shook his head, and sighed. “I know. Doesn’t matter, right? I guess I’ll survive or something. Who needs friends?” He grimaced, trying to cover the pain with a thin attempt at bravado.
Jacob’s suffering had always triggered my protective side. It was not entirely rational — Jacob was hardly in need of any physical protection I could offer. But my arms, pinned beneath Edward’s, yearned to reach out to him. To wrap around his big, warm waist in a silent promise of acceptance and comfort.
Edward’s shielding arms had become restraints.
“Okay, get to class,” a stern voice sounded behind us. “Move along, Mr. Crowley.”
“Get to school, Jake,” I whispered, anxious as soon as I recognized the principal’s voice. Jacob went to the Quileute school, but he might still get in trouble for trespassing or the equivalent.
Edward released me, taking just my hand and pulling me behind his body again.
Mr. Greene pushed through the circle of spectators, his brows pressing down like ominous storm clouds over his small eyes.
“I mean it,” he was threatening. “Detention for anyone who’s still standing here when I turn around again.”
The audience melted away before he was finished with his sentence.
“Ah, Mr. Cullen. Do we have a problem here?”
“Not at all, Mr. Greene. We were just on our way to class.”
“Excellent. I don’t seem to recognize your friend.” Mr. Greene turned his glower on Jacob. “Are you a new student here?”
Mr. Greene’s eyes scrutinized Jacob, and I could see that he’d come to the same conclusion everyone else had: dangerous. A troublemaker.
“Nope,” Jacob answered, half a smirk on his broad lips.
“Then I suggest you remove yourself from school property at once, young man, before I call the police.”
Jacob’s little smirk became a full-blown grin, and I knew he was picturing Charlie showing up to arrest him. This grin was too bitter, too full of mocking to satisfy me. This wasn’t the smile I’d been waiting to see.
Jacob said, “Yes, sir,” and snapped a military salute before he climbed on his bike and kicked it to a start right there on the sidewalk. The engine snarled and then the tires squealed as he spun it sharply around. In a matter of seconds, Jacob raced out of sight.
Mr. Greene gnashed his teeth together while he watched the performance.
“Mr. Cullen, I expect you to ask your friend to refrain from trespassing again.”
“He’s no friend of mine, Mr. Greene, but I’ll pass along the warning.”
Mr. Greene pursed his lips. Edward’s perfect grades and spotless record were clearly a factor in Mr. Greene’s assessment of the incident. “I see. If you’re worried about any trouble, I’d be happy to —”
“There’s nothing to worry about, Mr. Greene. There won’t be any trouble.”
“I hope that’s correct. Well, then. On to class. You, too, Miss Swan.”
Edward nodded, and pulled me quickly along toward the English building.
“Do you feel well enough to go to class?” he whispered when we were past the principal.
“Yes,” I whispered back, not quite sure if this was a lie.
Whether I felt well or not was hardly the most important consideration. I needed to talk to Edward right away, and English class wasn’t the ideal place for the conversation I had in mind.
But with Mr. Greene right behind us, there weren’t a lot of other options.
We got to class a little late and took our seats quickly. Mr. Berty was reciting a Frost poem. He ignored our entrance, refusing to let us break his rhythm.
I yanked a blank page out of my notebook and started writing, my handwriting more illegible than normal thanks to my agitation.
What happened? Tell me everything. And screw the protecting me crap, please.
I shoved the note at Edward. He sighed, and then began writing. It took him less time than me, though he wrote an entire paragraph in his own personal calligraphy before he slipped the paper back.
Alice saw that Victoria was coming back. I took you out of town merely as a precaution — there was never a chance that she would have gotten anywhere close to you. Emmett and Jasper very nearly had her, but Victoria seems to have some instinct for evasion. She escaped right down the Quileute boundary line as if she were reading it from a map. It didn’t help that Alice’s abilities were nullified by the Quileutes’ involvement. To be fair, the Quileutes might have had her, too, if we hadn’t gotten in the way. The big gray one thought Emmett was over the line, and he got defensive. Of course Rosalie reacted to that, and everyone left the chase to protect their companions. Carlisle and Jasper got things calmed down before it got out of hand. But by then, Victoria had slipped away. That’s everything.
I frowned at the letters on the page. All of them had been in on it — Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Carlisle. Maybe even Esme, though he hadn’t mentioned her. And then Paul and the rest of the Quileute pack. It might so easily have turned into a fight, pitting my future family and my old friends against each other. Any one of them could have been hurt. I imagined the wolves would be in the most danger, but picturing tiny Alice next to one of the huge werewolves, fighting . . .
I shuddered.
Carefully, I scrubbed out the entire paragraph with my eraser and then I wrote over the top:
What about Charlie? She could have been after him.
Edward was shaking his head before I finished, obviously going to downplay any danger on Charlie’s behalf. He held a hand out, but I ignored that and started again.
You can’t know that she wasn’t thinking that, because you weren’t here. Florida was a bad idea.
He took the paper from underneath my hand.
I wasn’t about to send you off alone. With your luck, not even the black box would survive.
That wasn’t what I’d meant at all; I hadn’t thought of going without him. I’d meant that we should have stayed here together. But I was sidetracked by his response, and a little miffed. Like I couldn’t fly cross country without bringing the plane down. Very funny.
So let’s say my bad luck did crash the plane. What exactly were you going to do about it?
Why is the plane crashing?
He was trying to hide a smile now.
The pilots are passed out drunk.
Easy. I’d fly the plane.
Of course. I pursed my lips and tried again.
Both engines have exploded and we’re falling in a death spiral toward the earth.
I’d wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. Then I’d run you back to the scene of the accident, and we’d stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history.
I stared at him wordlessly.
“What?” he whispered.
I shook my head in awe. “Nothing,” I mouthed.
I scrubbed out the disconcerting conversation and wrote one more line.
You will tell me next time.
I knew there would be a next time. The pattern would continue until someone lost.
Edward stared into my eyes for a long moment. I wondered what my face looked like — it felt cold, so the blood hadn’t returned to my cheeks. My eyelashes were still wet.
He sighed and then nodded once.
Thanks.
The paper disappeared from under my hand. I looked up, blinking in surprise, just as Mr. Berty came down the aisle.
“Is that something you’d like to share there, Mr. Cullen?”
Edward looked up innocently and held out the sheet of paper on top of his folder. “My notes?” he asked, sounding confused.
Mr. Berty scanned the notes — no doubt a perfect transcription of his lecture — and then walked away frowning.
It was later, in Calculus — my one class without Edward — that I heard the gossip.
“My money’s on the big Indian,” someone was saying.
I peeked up to see that Tyler, Mike, Austin, and Ben had their heads bent together, deep in conversation.
“Yeah,” Mike whispered. “Did you see the size of that Jacob kid? I think he could take Cullen down.” Mike sounded pleased by the idea.
“I don’t think so,” Ben disagreed. “There’s something about Edward. He’s always so . . . confident. I have a feeling he can take care of himself.”
“I’m with Ben,” Tyler agreed. “Besides, if that other kid messed Edward up, you know those big brothers of his would get involved.”
“Have you been down to La Push lately?” Mike asked. “Lauren and I went to the beach a couple of weeks ago, and believe me, Jacob’s friends are all just as big as he is.”
“Huh,” Tyler said. “Too bad it didn’t turn into anything. Guess we’ll never know how it would have turned out.”
“It didn’t look over to me,” Austin said. “Maybe we’ll get to see.”
Mike grinned. “Anyone in the mood for a bet?”
“Ten on Jacob,” Austin said at once.
“Ten on Cullen,” Tyler chimed in.
“Ten on Edward,” Ben agreed.
“Jacob,” Mike said.
“Hey, do you guys know what it was about?” Austin wondered. “That might affect the odds.”
“I can guess,” Mike said, and then he shot a glance at me at the same time that Ben and Tyler did.
From their expressions, none of them had realized I was in easy hearing distance. They all looked away quickly, shuffling the papers on their desks.
“I still say Jacob,” Mike muttered under his breath.
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